Like Tears in Rain (Blade Runner)

Dr. Johnson's Bark

"I hate a fellow whom pride or cowardice or laziness drives into a corner, and who does nothing when he is there but sit and growl. Let him come out as I do, and bark."

Samuel Johnson

Boss Trad: Alden Aficionado

Like shit-faced gatecrashers at your hot girlfriend's 21st birthday bash, certain life changes have in recent months impressed themselves upon me in a most untoward manner. I have written about some of them here.

Through it all, I need hardly tell you, I have maintained a stiff upper. I have pursued an unwavering course of acquiescence and non-sobriety with admirable persistence. It is our duty to accept our fate calmly and without rancor. We should embrace life as it really is--not as we wish it to be. Easier said than done, I realise, but it is a metric by which I have always discerned friend from foe.

Still, the worm does turn and one's fortitude is rewarded in the end. As you have probably heard by now, changes are afoot on the job front: I recently affiliated my firm with a large private bank, with a local office. The bank was keen to acquire access to hedge fund and private equity clients and willing to pay a pretty penny. And I was keen to collect a nice pile of dosh, as vulgar as that may sound to some.

One of the pleasantly surprising aspects of this new partnership is that one of the senior private bankers is a full-blooded Brooks Brothers aficionado, a veritable walking Ben Silver advertisement. He is a staunch trad for whom donning pin-striped suits, Alden tasseled loafers, BB OCBDs, horn-rimmed specs, grey flannels, and Alden cordovan loafers, seems to be second nature. Like all sound men, he has a predilection for Alden loafers, judging by how frequently he wears them in the office. He also wears them with his suits. Anyway, sensitivities prevent me from providing more details, as you can understand, but I interpret it as a good omen. We shall see.

I am fortunate then to be surrounded by sensible and well-dressed professionals. And just in time, as I have been craving a change of landscape. Events of the last few months have caused me to reassess priorities and to determine what is truly important in life, such as classic clothing and fine shoes. Because unlike your hot 21-year old girlfriend, your Alden loafers were created with a long-term relationship in mind. Allocate your affections accordingly.

Ted and Ralph (The Fast Show)

Suit You Sir ! (The Fast Show)

When thinking about the 1990s, I reckon there were three things, culturally-speaking of course, that got me through the decade: 1) alcohol, 2) Britpop, 3) alcohol, and 4) The Fast Show. These are two of my favourites from The Fast Show, for sartorial-minded readers:

Groundstroke

Do you play tennis? I do. Or at least, I did. In my youth I was club champion in my age group. My height and reach gave me an advantage. I wore a white Lacoste polo shirt, white shorts, and white tennis shoes. During the winter season I played under heated tents. In my mid-teens however I switched to squash, which, as you know, is an entirely different game. More on squash later.

In recent years in Southern California I have again taken up tennis. It is a sociable sport conducive to professional networking. Unlike golf, which in my opinion is for dead men walking, tennis actually demands a measure of physical fitness and mental alertness. Neglected middle-aged women desiring romance, I find, are particuarly drawn to tennis.

During a recent match I sustained a knee injury and damaged eye. I was sent to the doctor. In the course of the examination they measured my blood pressure. Not good. The doctor came in to see me.

"I don't want to scare you," he began--which had the immediate effect of scaring me--"but you have extremely elevated blood pressure. In fact you're in the top 5%."

Holy shit, I thought. "What does that mean?"

"It means you could drop dead at any minute, from a stroke," he explained.

That was all I needed to hear. Time to regroup. Drastic action is required. Long luncheons and cocktail hours, I am afraid to report, shall have to be curtailed. And alcohol and tobacco are to be rationed under emergency wartime conditions. I will continue going to the gym and participating in various games and physical activities, including tennis.

If I should collapse on the court, do make sure I expire in the arms of a beautiful woman.

White Car in Germany (The Associates)