29 April 2014

Psmith

“I am Psmith," said the old Etonian reverently. "There is a preliminary P before the name. This, however, is silent. Like the tomb. Compare such words as ptarmigan, psalm, and phthisis.”

P.G. Wodehouse, Psmith, Journalist (1915)

28 April 2014

The Drugs Don't Work

In an exclusive report, I can reveal to you here that two years ago I started using drugs on a nightly basis. I must say, it was very relaxing. After a stressful 14-hour day, and combined with evening cocktails and codeine pills, it produced a very pleasant effect.

As you may imagine, the effect seems to vary with individual. Some young men I know use it in the morning to pump themselves up in the office after an early morning spent surfing.

I would say up to 90% of the chaps who work at my New York-based asset management firm are users of illicit pharmaceuticals of some sort. And from what I've heard from other chaps at investment and real estate firms, weed usage is rampant there, too, including a couple of local companies whose names are regularly in top-shelf news. You would recognise them if I named them.

I know of one successful investment banker who is currently battling his compliance department over plans to start his own medical marijuana dispensary facility on the side.

Certainly it was an enjoyable way to wind down after a hectic day at the orifice. But has it expanded my consciousness or provoked unique insights? Has it allowed me to explore the archipelago of my mind? Not really. I need something more powerful.

Is marijuana use worse than wine abuse, caffeine consumption, or escort whore usage? I'm not sure. In many cases there are other, harder drugs at work, which I won't get into here. It's the proliferation of escort use amongst local professionals that really has me interested. The tales I could tell...!

White Devil

'In North America's first major conflict, known today as the French and Indian War, France and England--both in alliance with Native American tribes--fought each other in a series of bloody battles and terrifying raids. No confrontation was more brutal and notorious than the massacre of the British garrison of Fort William Henry--an incident memorably depicted in James Fenimore Cooper's The Last of the Mohicans. That atrocity stoked calls for revenge, and the tough young Major Robert Rogers and his "Rangers" were ordered north into enemy territory to take it. On the morning of October 4, 1759, they surprised the Abenaki Indian village of St. Francis, slaughtering its sleeping inhabitants without mercy. When the raiders returned to safety, they were hailed as heroes by the colonists, and their leader was immortalized as "the brave Major Rogers." But the Abenakis remembered Rogers differently: To them he was Wobomagonda--"White Devil."'

22 April 2014

Is there any sort of distinction in making a girl drool, cry, climax, and squirt all at the same time? If so, please do let me know. I should like to claim my prize.

The Eighties at Echo Beach

From the publisher:

'You won't find Echo Beach on any map. But for a band of surfers from Newport Beach the stretch between 52nd and 56th street was an entire universe of 80s cool. These Day-Glo surfers singlehandedly demolished the laid-back 70s style with a loud blast of Devo and attitude. Out of the water, they wore Aquanet pompadours, Wayfarers, and neon boardshorts. In the water, they ripped up the wave two feet from local photographer Mike Moir's Canon fish eye. The photos he published in the surf magazines ignited a counter culture that grew into the 80s as we know and love them. Echo Beach captures the marriage of surf and fashion that was ground zero of the 80s, when a zebra-striped twin fin surfboard and a hot yellow wet suit was the ticket to happiness.'

15 April 2014

Waimea Bay Wipeout (Operation Hang Ten)

To wipeout here meant millions of tons of water grinding your flesh into coral rock and lava. And if you recovered, it meant being sucked far out to sea as the next gigantic wave built itself up. Loose boards were like floating knifes, the fins could gut a man like a fresh-caught fish being cleaned. But Bill knew that once you were up there, once you had the wave judged just right, the ride in was the sweetest, most powerful feeling there was.

Patrick Morgan, Hang Dead Hawaiian Style (1969)

04 April 2014

Farage Style

I started hearing about Nigel Farage from my Nationalist chums in England in the 1990s. I've watched his rise since then with some interest. I don't particularly agree with this politics--although I suspect we're more in agreement than not--but I do like his style.

***

'Nigel Paul Farage was born in Kent in 1964, one of two sons of a colourful and hard-drinking City stockbroker. Guy Justus Oscar Farage’s propensity to mix work with pleasure was clearly influential on the young Nigel, who followed his father into the City as a highly remunerated commodities trader. (Andrew, Farage’s younger brother, also headed to the City, where he still works as a broker on the London Metal Exchange.)

Guy, who became an alcoholic, divorced his wife Barbara when Nigel was five. But Farage acknowledges his father’s influence: like Guy – “the best-dressed man in the stock exchange at the time” – Nigel bears the demeanour and attire of a City gent before the barbarians were allowed in after the 1986 “Big Bang” reforms.

 The sense of nostalgia for a bygone age was summed up by the story of when Guy – who kicked the bottle in his mid-thirties – was in the lift with Sir Nicholas Goodison, chairman of the London Stock Exchange, at the time of Big Bang and lamented, “You’ve ruined the best gentleman’s club in the world.”

In spite of his father, Farage enjoys a pint, using his local, the George & Dragon, as a testing ground for Ukip policies: “In my village pub they are totally against,” he says of Cameron’s plan to legalise gay marriage. To complete the anti-politician image, Farage is a heavy consumer of Rothmans cigarettes and enjoys sea-fishing and country sports. A Barbour-clad Farage loves cricket and used to be seen enjoying hare coursing – until it was banned in 2005. In short, he is a young-ish fogey: most people are surprised to learn he is still in his forties.'

Nigel Farage, Financial Times (8 March 2013)

Farage's BBC debate with LibDem deputy PM Nick Clegg on 2 April 2014:


03 April 2014

A Wodehouse Lexicon

Agog - (adj) Very eager or curious to hear or see something: "I'm all agog to see the Duchess' new hat."

Bally - (adj) bloody, damned [mild explicative]: "Get that bally dog out of the kitchen!"

To be all a twitter - (v) To be anxious or excited about something: "The Mater has been all a twitter ever since Mrs. Nelson told her the news about the Duke of Edinburgh."

To be dashed - (v) To be confounded; used interchangeably with to be damned: "Well, I'll be dashed!"

To biff - (v) To strike or to punch: "If you don't remove your elbows from the table I shall biff you."

Blighter - (n) A fellow, especially one held in low esteem: "He's a silly blighter, isn't he?"

Blithering - (adj) Senselessly talkative, babbling; used chiefly as an intensive to express annoyance or contempt: "Mister Hooper, you are such a blithering idiot."

By Jove! - (interj) [used as a mild oath to express surprise or emphasis]

Chap - (n) A man or a boy.

Chin-chin - (interj) [used as a greeting or as a toast when drinking to someone's health]

Cross-patch -(n) A bad-tempered or irritable person: "O, don't be such a cross-patch, Charles."

Dash - (adv) A mild form of damn: "That was dash cunning of you."

Dashed - (adj) A mild form of damned, derived from dash: "The dashed thing doesn't work!"

Dash it all! - (interj) [used to express angry or dismay; interchangeable with damn it]

Drivel - (n) Silly nonsense; "How can you say such drivel?"

Frightful - (adj) [used for emphasis, esp. of something bad]

Frightfully - (adv) Very (used for emphasis): "I'm frightfully sorry."

To get it in the neck - (v) To be punished or criticised for something: "She really gave it to me in the neck when I arrived late for dinner."

Humdrum - (adj) Lacking variety or excitement; dull: "I don't want to go to school, Mummy, maths is so humdrum."

I say! - (interj) [used to express surprise or disgruntlement; often interchangeable with O my!]

Jolly well - (adv) very much; a phrase used for emphasis or enthusiasm: "I jolly well hope so!"

Look here! - (interj) [used to express disgruntlement or agitation with a person or persons]: "Look here, you swine! What do you think you're doing?"

Milksop - (n) A weak or ineffectual person; whimp: "Don't be such a milksop, Spencer, it's only a kitten."

Old man - (n) [term of endearment used in informal direct address]

Old thing - (n) [term of endearment used in informal direct address]

Pipped - (adj) To get the better of; defeat.

Positively - (adv) Very (used for emphasis): "How positively lovely!"

Right-o - (interj) [used to express cheerful concurrence, assent, or understanding]

Ripping - (adj) excellent, delightful: "What a positively ripping sweater you're wearing, Bernard!"

Rot - (n) nonsense [often used interjectionally]: "What rot!"

Rummy - (adj) queer, odd: "That was a rummy sort of thing to say, don't you suppose?"

To talk through one's hat - To talk nonsense; especially on a subject that one professes to be knowledgeable about but in fact is ignorant of: "He's never really met Lady Astor, he's just talking through his hat."

That's not cricket - (interj) [used to express dismay at an instance of unfair or ungentlemanly conduct or proceedings]: "Mater, Helen has taken the whole sugar dish and refuses to share. It just isn't cricket!"

Tight as an owl - (adj) drunk

Toodle-pip - (interj) good-bye, so long

What ho! - (interj) [exclamatory greeting, like saying what's up]

What? - (interj) [used as a tag question, often to solicit agreement]: "Evelyn Waugh must be the greatest author of the century, what?"

What’s-it - (n) a gadget or other thing for which the speaker does not know or has forgotten the name

With knobs on - (adv/adj) Extremely; in a similar way, but taken to an extreme: "The same to you with knobs on!"