The First Annual Admiral Cod Bikini Census

Laguna Beach Bikinis

It has come to my attention that Stockbrokers and Bankers suffer from a reputation for being self-interested, as if a life devoted to accumulating dosh somehow leaves us a bit stunted in the altruism department. How this has come about I have no idea, but it leaves a bitter taste in my morning cocktail, I can tell you. I would therefore like to redress the balance.

How, I ask myself, could I best employ my range of extraordinarily unique skills to benefit the community at large? I do of course have much to offer: keen powers of observation, a highly-trained eye, a sophisticated aesthetic sense honed by years of experience at home and abroad. Surely these special talents could be put to good use.

I have therefore decided in a selfless act of public spiritedness to give up a sizeable portion of my valuable (and expensive) time to conduct a detailed survey and analysis of the local bikini community. As the days lengthen and get warmer, bikinis start to make their annual summer migration to our beaches and coastal resorts where they play an important role in the local eco-system. Bikinis over the years have given me so much; it is time to give something back.

If you happen to spot a tall, good-looking, tanned, fogeyish-looking chap strolling about the surf with a crystal cocktail in hand and pair of Zeiss binoculars pressed tightly against tortoiseshell Persol sunglasses, his handsome brow furrowed in concentration, that would be moi, so do stop and say hello. I shall be carefully observing the behaviour of the Pink-Breasted Sand-Warbler, Long-Legged Tawny Eyecatcher, and Red-Bottomed Nutbuster, amongst others. Just about anything, you may have gathered, in a bikini. And so begins my charitable debut.