On Baldness

They say bald is beautiful. I would add, it is bold too.

I'm not bald myself, you understand. I've a slight widow's peak, true, but that's all. So far, anyway. And yes, in the past I've shaved my hair to gain speed on the squash court. Today I keep it clipped short to the point where, as I've mentioned before, I'm often asked if I'm a cop or a Russian gangster. What's up with that?

If I were to start losing hair, I would keep the remnant very short, cropped in the Punk- or Prussian-style. There's no use in disguising the natural and inevitable.

I abhor long hair on men. I think there's something unmanly about long hair. It doesn't look right. I suppose it's fine on young pretty boys, or the Irish, but as chaps age short hair is more appropriately masculine.

Women often prefer long-haired blokes because they appear young, soft, and non-threatening. This fact probably accounts for the absurd lengths to which some balding men go to preserve their hair, or at least the appearance of hair.

If you're a man and you're starting to go bald, you should immediately break out the shears and crop it. Now. If you don't, I will.

I have to admit, I've always been drawn to bald men. Not in a sexual way of course, but because of their approach to life. Bald men exhibit what I call a swaggering "I don't give a shit attitude" that seems to say: "Yeah, I'm bald, bitchez. So what? Deal with it. If you don't like it, then fuck off."

That's the essence!

It's a well-known scientifical fact that baldness is due to a surfeit of testosterone. In other words, what bald chaps lose in hair they gain in todger size. Keep this in mind, ladies, the next time you're approached by a grinning baldie.

There are three bald men in my life and each of them is an inveterate ladies' man. One of the bald chaps is a fit gent in his mid-60s with whom I've played lawn tennis. Every time I see him he's with a different hot girl. Hired tottie or not, I suppose it's the urge that matters.

Go, baldie, go!