24 November 2009

Broken Nose Confession

I have a thrice-broken nose. The first time I broke it was playing rugby at school at age sixteen. A few years later, in a pub next to Hammersmith Bridge, I insulted a long-haired Irishman and was set upon by his chums, who inflicted heavy damage to my face.

In 1993, walking home along Sloane Street after a night drinking in Chelsea with an ex-girlfriend and her extremely attractive uni friends, I decided to carry one of the girls home, piggy-back style, and when she climbed upon me it pitched me face-forward on to the pavement. The impact of face on concrete was quite audible. Blood stained my Boden shirt.

Soon after I consulted a plastic surgeon who explained that in order to straighten my crooked nose, he would have to use a large hammer to knock it back into place. I declined.

I learned to live with it. In fact, in some ways it has proved to be an asset. True, I can not breathe out of the right side and my sense of smell is imperfect. But it gives my face a 'hard,' craggy look. It adds a flaw, a bit of character, to an otherwise typically masculine visage. It is a conversation piece and presents an opportunity to tell a story. Finally, women seem to like it. On more than one occasion, when I am out drinking or having dinner with pals, women have used it as an excuse to start a conversation. One drunk blonde stroked it with tears in her eyes, telling me it reminded her of her father, an ex-boxer.

If we meet, you will notice my broken nose. Long and narrow, it is aquiline in a Roman way; you might even call it aggressive. It stands out in its imperfections. But, it fits my face and my large physique. Long ago I made my peace with it.


Richard said...

LBT - I suffer with you brother, due to a twice broken nose. My stories are not quite as amusing, but I too suffer from only being able to breathe through one side of my nose and it is slightly crooked. Furthermore, I agree with your statements about how having a simple flaw can add character. It (my crooked nose) never got in my way of pursuing young beauties.

David said...

I too, have an odd nose. I have never broken it, but if I had, it probably would have corrected it. It has taken me a while to come to terms with it, however as you say, it is a masculine thing. We're not pretty boys, we're men.

The other thing is that pretty much everyone is insecure about their nose at some point, as it's the most obvious thing about anyone's face.

ADG said...

Damn. It hurt to read this!

Easy and Elegant Life said...

Three hairline fractures (thank God for fencing reflexes, they were glancing blows.) All sucker punches. The third, though painful, straightened it out. For which I am oddly grateful.

Lisa said...

Ouch! I think plastic surgery techniques have grown by leaps and bounds, so the surgeon may no longer have to resort to hammering your nose back into place...? Well, I hope someday I'll get a chance to stroke it. Wait, um, your nose, that is. *chortle*

Anonymous said...

"One drunk blonde stroked it with tears in her eyes, telling me it reminded her of her father, an ex-boxer." At least she was drunk, but it seems to be a good reason for her not to drink at all. Good grief.