17 August 2012

Breaking Up

I recently dodged a bullet.

The young, hot blonde. Things hadn't been right between us from the start. Not much to talk about. Lots of awkward silences. A look of annoyed miscomprehension on her beautiful face whenever I brought up a subject about which she knew nothing, which was often. She was cripplingly boring. Once a chap finds himself preferring to spend an evening sipping cocktails instead of spending time with his girl, as I did, it's time to move on.

For this reason and a few others, our break-up was inevitable.

The sex, I can report, was great. I loved the way she gave me head--arguably the best I've ever received. And I appreciated the way she doubled-up and clawed at my back, gasping, moaning, her eyes rolling back in her head when I bottomed-out inside her. Good times.

Her family originated in colonial New England from Mayflower stock. But it was all down hill from there. Her parents were divorced. Her mother was a crazy mudshark who had shacked up with not one but two sub-hominids in Los Angeles and had a daughter by one of the creatures; the mother now lives as an old hippy in a dingy lower class neighbourhood. Her father, for his part, was addicted to little Asian slags with pasty, pockmarked faces.

During the final break-up session, when I realised it was irretrievably over, I told her certain truths about herself, about Western women, and about life that in all honesty she had probably never heard before and will never hear again. Most men are pussies when it comes to beautiful girls. I'm just a selfish asshole (her words). Which, of course, simply means I don't put the filly on a pedestal.

Modern life, as you know, is not without great cost.

15 comments:

Ryu said...

A selfish asshole. My! What a compliment she pays you.

There are only two sorts of men today. The assholes and the nice guys. Better to be the asshole. If women had any self awareness they would know that.

King Lear said...

The revolt against modernity continues...

Anonymous said...

"Her parents were divorced. Her mother was a crazy mudshark who had shacked up with not one but two sub-hominids in Los Angeles and had a daughter by one of the creatures; the mother now lives as an old hippy in a dingy lower class neighbourhood. Her father, for his part, was addicted to little Asian slags with pasty, pockmarked faces."

What a disgusting society we must endure. She should apologize to you just for being related to these people.

I would have erred on the side of diplomacy at the parting. Not to sound paranoid, but there are a lot of insane women out there, and it is a general rule of contemporary society that a weak, resentful person can inflict enormous injury on a powerful person.

Grausig Grantiger Gemahl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I wonder if anyone has ever told you the honest truth about yourself young fogey.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

GGG ~ Respek, brudda.

Anon @18:00 ~ Indeed. Selfish asshole pretty much sums it up. Utter bastard and complete prick are also terms applied to yours truly. Which is why I can't quite believe my good fortune in life, especially where professional success and beautiful women are concerned, for which I'm endlessly grateful. Those closest to me inform me I'm actually considerably more appealing than my detractors would have us believe. But who knows. The trick is to ignore the naysayers and keep moving forward.

Herr Gehlen said...

Knowing the current status of her self-hating parents I would have avoided her all together. Lord knows what (not whom) she has been with.

I always liked "you're an asshole! go to hell!"

Really brings out the fire in them which can be quite the turn on!

w. adam mandelbaum esq. said...

your only difficulty with this lass was in talking to her and expecting a benefit. why?
decoration and recreation are the purposes, not intellectual stimulation. you want that? talk to yourself. or blog.

Anonymous said...

I admire both your candor and your lack of sentimental claptrap. I have treated far too many women too well, only to be tossed away like a used Kleenex. My approach is now very much like yours. Perhaps not surprisingly the women treat me much better. Odd creatures.

Swiss Toni said...

Lighten up, Cod, you take yourself far too seriously. 'Selfish asshole', no; silly ass, yes; cad, obviously; but better that than ending up like Drieu, Celine or Brasillach. Time to 'chill', sonny.

FinnM said...

It is universally the case, that when a hipster becomes uncomfortable and advises others to "chill," something admirable has been accomplished, and one ought to redouble every effort to achieve the superb, the sublime, the extroadinary, and the intense.

Ford said...

Odd creatures indeed.

young-ish brunette hottie said...

I'm sure the truths about Western women that you spoke of to your ex-girlfriend are, indeed, "true." I can only speak the truth for myself, though. I don't want to be put on a pedestal. There's too much pressure in looking for that ideal match, and being adored and idealized; She was not perfect, I am not perfect, and neither are you.

You were once open to the possibilities of affection, and dare I say, love. I'm learning to be a realist, and it's pretty fucking hard to find that balance of looks, smarts (book and street) and all-around totally bitchin' coolness. Wanting to stay at home and sip cocktails WITH your girl. The inside-joke nicknames and the heat between the sheets (NO, not Dutch ovens, you goobers). Watching you get excited over ties and shirts and shoes, and being completely annoyed by it in secret. (Just kidding. Or am I?)

So ignore those naysayers! Move forward! Don't just "chill" - draw it mild!

xo

Anonymous said...

it is difficult to not be bitter/cynical after meeting so many women and finding very little in terms of true love. Women are truly entitled, deluded, and narcissistic, at least women in their 20s and 30s. Keep plodding on, and take your omega 3 fish oil capsules to soothe away the depression...

Anonymous said...

I have a t-shirt with a picture of a tiara and these words on the back "I'll be on my pedestal if you need me." I think it's funny. I wear it without apology!