15 February 2012

Discourse on Boob Jobs

About a month ago a colleague of mine at the bank spent a night with a young woman he picked up in a bar in West Hollywood. During the proceedings he surreptitiously snapped some photos of her naked.

The reason he did so was her alarmingly lopsided boob job: one breast up, one down. Literally. He texted it to some of us. It was funny and grotesque at the same time. The photo is now doing the rounds in offices in Los Angeles and New York. I wish every woman considering breast enhancement surgery could see it.

A girl friend just told me about a young woman whose fake tits slipped their moorings and fell into her rib cage whilst she was practising yoga. Imagine the embarrassment.

Southern California is rife with women who've gone under the knife, though I've been told Buenos Aires is even worse. London and New York have their share, too, but the women there have fewer opportunities to flaunt it on the streets.

I prefer my women to have natural breasts, for love-making and child-rearing purposes. Up to a certain point, of course, big surgically-enhanced breasts are definitely a sexual turn-on. It's only when one gets one's paws on them that they seem less than ideal: hard, rigid, shiny, unyielding, comic.

As a chap I can report--after years of exhaustive qualitative research and comparative analysis--that fake tits are not all they are supposed to be. Natural is best.

12 comments:

hereward said...

B.A. is indeed rife with them. Yes, the appeal does wear off under tactile inspection. Here's hoping scientists make themselves useful for a change and make some adjustments on the pliancy spectrum.

Cyprian Korzeniowski said...

A woman in old age won't inspire lust in a man, but she can inspire respect. However, bolt on tits and bordello wear only let everyone know she's past expiration date and doesn't know it.

Basque Corsair said...

The number of women with boob jobs here in Miami is likely comparable to the West Coast. I agree, natural is better.

A growing trend now is women getting butt jobs. God help us.

Tabitha said...

Oh I think Cyprian has hit the nail on the head with his comment, add in fake sausage lips and the whole look says "past it"

Anonymous said...

I plan to do some additional "exhaustive qualitative research and comparative analysis" on my annual trip to the beaches around Del Mar in August.

Herr Gehlen said...

Nothing better than hands on research!

w. adam mandelbaum esq. said...

fake breasts should be inserted on the back of a woman. it would make slow dancing that much more interesting.

Pink Benny said...

I love women (and men) who age gracefully and do the best they can with what God gave them.

Richard said...

I do agree! I did a fair amount of research in college :)

Flavia said...

Here in the MIA (hey Basque, maybe I saw you at fashion week-lol) the amount of boob jobs is unprecedented. The most unnerving side effect is that the nipples stay hard, making some women look like they're smuggling AK bullets in their tank tops.

Or...Turkey's done!!

Theresa:) said...

Hillarious!!! T:)

Anonymous said...

I agree. Natural is best. My 2 yr old would agree too since she is still nursing.