25 September 2012

Morning Routine

I've long believed a well-ordered life is essential to contentment and success. Good habits, as Aristotle tells us, lead to virtue. With this in mind the other evening I was reading my unique hand-autographed copy of American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis. The following passage came to my notice:

"My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion."

I can identify with Patrick's daily regimen. My morning starts with a cup of tea before 5:30AM whilst I read the news or listen to CNBC. In warmer weather I'll swim 30 laps in the semi-olympic-sized pool, followed by 200 stomach crunches, 40 bicep curls, and 20 overhead shoulder presses, depending on my schedule. I aim for a lean, muscular physique; it doesn't require much effort to show definition. During colder months or when I'm feeling like it, I'll head to the local gym for 30 minutes on the ergometer or treadmill. If I wake up with a woman, I may substitute my regular routine with a round or two of vigorous sex, which works my pecs, abs, and glutes. And prostate.

In the shower I apply various body washes; my favourite at the moment is Neutrogena. My after shave lotion is by L'Occitane, which I've been using for several years. I supplement it throughout the day with frequent applications of aloe moisturising lotion with UV protection. Moisturiser is essential, as I spend quite a bit of time in the sun and water. The benefit of using it, I find, is that my bronzed skin has remained so healthy and young-looking that colleagues and girls think I'm several years younger than I actually am. In addition I wear at all times sunscreen with SPF 30 and vitamin E.

I top off my routine with a dose of scent from Creed, Truefitt & Hill, Royall, or, more recently, Acqua di Parma.

Do you have a morning routine, and if so, what is it?

19 comments:

Tabitha said...

He has always reminded me of you but then I thought he was quite fabulous.

Tabitha said...

Oh and I do have a routine. Much less than yours but regular, and that's what counts. Post breakfast is a mix of 45 minutes cardio with 30 reps on biceps, triceps, shoulders, followed by 30 reps on quads, glutes, 30 Russian twists with weights and a slather of factor 50 all year even in a sun starved country. Damn I should look better than this!

Herr Gehlen said...

Saint Louis, MO Days: Toss the local paper in disgust and head for a very early morning ice time. Hockey before school or work makes any day go well.

Irvine, CA Days: Toss the local paper in disgust and slog through freeway traffic for early morning classes.

U.S. Army Days: Run

initials CG said...

All right...I'll regret this...

In my mid 40's...and my 20 something girlfriends say they dont' care,but the 50 somethings say they love it...they all love their mirrors...

5 cigarettes and coffee from an Italian moka...

5 to 10 km jog depending on how I feel every other day followed by 300 abs every day, 100 push ups of varying styles, 200 squats with a pilates ball and heavy dumbells followed with calf raises and back extensions...100 bi's, tri's and delt's and 2 more cigarettes...Boxing in the evening on some nights.

All this, and, as I painfully learned with scars, you can still get your ass kicked in croatia if you're not careful. Worse, you'll ruin your suit.

FinnM said...

I could never enjoy that writer; his theme is not suitable for the novel form. If in the mood for a droll portrait of narcissistic excess, I prefer a visual, especially something by Warhol or Jeff Koons.

I don't exercise because I never gain weight; it just seems like a waste of time.

Anonymous said...

faggot

columnist said...

I tried Trufitt & Hill in a shop in Tokyo the other day. "1805" I think it was. Rather liked it. Which do you use? And which flavour of L'Occitaine?

So important to exercise. Just up from my 60 lengths (1500 metres) swim at our pool. Other days cardio and weights in the gym, otherwise a walk in the park which is as good as workout when it's 30-35C.

Poetry of Flesh said...

1. Wake up.
2. Look at clock.
3. Groan.
4. Fall back asleep for another thirty minutes.
5. Force self up due to day's obligations.
6. Large glass of water.
7. Three eggs.
8. Shower.
9. Look longingly at the bed as I dress.
10. Head into work or, alternatively, fire up the laptop and work from home.

My sun-avoidance means going running late at night when the neighborhood is quiet, save for the whir of sprinklers and the occasional passing car.

JJ USA said...

Gym in the evenings - typical lifiting/cardio mix. La Mer for eyes and face is all that is needed each morning and night along with SPF 30+ during the day.

FinnM said...

To the Anonymous Troll of 20:26,

I thought about responding to say how false, ridiculous and stupid your comment is. But then I remembered, I don't feed trolls.

To others reading here, let me clarify that, just because my personal need of exercise is minimal, I don't slight those who do excercise. Obviously if such activity is part of your regime to keep fit, healthy or disciplined, it's a positive and commendable thing.

Anonymous said...

Come on, you are pulling our leg. Mr. ex-mercenary/rugby player/real man goes daubing moisturizer all day and purchasing toiletries at L'Occutane? Please say it aint so.

My "beauty" routine is Head & Shoulders, ivory soap, Old Spice deodorant, and a big cup of strong coffee. Vigorous calesthenics every night.

Mister Deutsch said...

I read your posts on Alt Right.

The first thing I thought you reminded me of was Patrick.

? said...

How do you people manage to do all this in the morning?

My alarm goes off in the morning and I hit the snooze button at least twice. Drag myself to the shower. Shave in shower with Kiehl's brushless shave cream.

Afterwards, apply Kiehl's Sodium PCA moisturizer. Follow up with some Creed Erolfa, Green Irish Tweed, Imperial Millesime, Vigin Island Water or Windsor, Aqua di Parma, Tom Ford Neroli Portofino or Royall Lyme.

Eventually, I drag myself to work in time to read some research before the market opens.

Anonymous said...

prole

thegentlemanfarmer said...

I am curious why a self-proclaimed banker, investor, nationalist and mercenary would bother listening/watching CNBC at all…

Michael said...

I begin with the shower and the shave: Truefit & Hill Trafalgar cream, badger brush. Well cleaned I head for the road and a slowish 5K trot. Free weights 3X10 reps for various bits of the body. Crunches. Weekends I road bike, alone, 25 or so miles each day. After exercise I shower again and head off to toil in investments. 67 years old. I should like to slap the shit out of the anonymous blogger who being a faggot types faggot and being a prole types prole.

Clyde Packer said...

How much sleep do you recommend?

Anonymous said...

*whispers* coconut body wash

Anonymous said...

My rountine starts with my toddlers every morning. Breakfast and then PBS. Then, art and computer time. Simply keeping up with them can be exhausting. Oh, and I like BBC Worldnews. They are the best at no spin. After all, they are British.