04 October 2012

Thank You, Christian Grey !

One you lock the target
Two you bait the line
Three you slowly spread the net
And four you catch the man
- 'Headhunter', Front 242 (1988)

Dating a 20-year old woman, as I am, is, I imagine, rather like romancing a retard. Then again American women of all ages exhibit similar stunted levels of intelligence, emotional shallowness, and cultural ignorance. There are exceptions, of course, and I reckon their names could fit on a single 3x5 index card.

The 20-year old? Well, to say I am dating her in this case is perhaps too strong a term; banging would be more accurate. I met her at a restaurant in Laguna Beach, where she works. She displays a mix of faux-innocence and eager horniness entirely befitting a hot 20-year old blonde female. She has the requisite 'daddy issues', of course, as one might expect, which she expresses most graphically during our epic romps together. (If my queen-sized ornate Indonesian bed could talk, there would be tales to tell). Alarm bells rang this past weekend, however, when, after a session, she spotted me putting the loaded Magnum condom into the toilet. She looked at me with pained eyes: "Why are you doing that? Do you think I'll take it and put it back inside me?" I sent her home. For an hour she sat in her car outside my house, texting me, pleading with me to let her back in. Tragedy for her.

Of the five (5) women I have slept with since breaking up with my hot blonde girlfriend in early August, I still don't know a single surname. The common thread amongst these women, I have noticed, is their enthusiasm for the Fifty Shades of Grey books, which are proving enormously popular with the female population in industrialised countries. My understanding is that they are full of scenes of personal degradation, sado-masochistic practises, and brutal sex. It is inadvertent testament, I think, to the female need to submit and to be dominated, a need generally unmet due to the unrelenting decades-long pussification of Western men. The natural role of woman, after all, is one of submission. My girlfriends beg to be pinned down onto the bed, their neck choked and shoulders held firmly in place, slapped and spanked, their hair pulled hard, as I pummel their cervix with deep assaults, producing an ecstatic response that would have shocked me twenty years ago. These days, with an accurate understanding of things, I am more than happy to oblige. To say I do not enjoy this state of affairs would be a lie.

Revelations such as Fifty Shades of Grey are a gift. It is up to the perceptive man to take full advantage of the feminist ascendancy, to take what he needs and what he wants. It is too easy. Modern humans, I have found, are hopelessly vulnerable, like villagers on the exposed coast of post-modernity, ripe for pillage and destruction by Viking adventurers. If you have not yet done so, adopt the corsair mindset and proceed from there.

Modern life, as I have said before, can be a sordid thing and is not without great cost to both sides. In my own case, I can confess to you here, what passes through my heart is a wash of unfeeling, a red-raw void, a sense of dislocated love and longing for something higher, from man or from God. And still, I hear the forest refrain, and the call of the attack-ships from Eleven Threshold. It will have to do for now.

Sent from my iPhone


King Lear said...

I feel a great sadness at the state of relations between the two sexes in these odious modern times. So many women believe they can 'have it all' and end up with nothing worth having.
What is so wrong with women being loving wives and caring mothers?

Cyprian Korzeniowski said...

They can pierce whatever they want
They can dye their hair however they want
They can do whatever they want
But it still won't bring daddy back

Anonymous said...

I don't trust modern women.

They don't seem loyal, quite the opposite; they will subvert you if the time comes ripe.

If you cannot find a spiritual partner, go whoring or go celibate. That's all I've managed to figure out.

Anonymous said...

Interesting that I, as a woman, can take each of these comments and make them my own...simply by substituting 'woman/women' with 'man/men', 'wives' with husbands', 'mothers' with 'fathers', 'daddy' with 'mommy'.

Anonymous said...

While there is nothing intrinsically wrong with 20 year old, blonde hotties as bedmates, they are, like their similarly aged male counterparts, still empty vessels; at least so far as a more experienced, worldly, and mature man is concerned. After the 'banging' is done, now what to do? - probably few common interests, fewer cultural connections, basically nothing to talk about until the next 'session'.

I would recommend establishing a lower age limit for predation (and an upper one for taste). The common formula is one-half the male age plus 7 years.

I'm not sure of your age, LBF, but suspect you to be in your early to mid 40's and applying the formula would indicate your lower limit would be 27-32 years old. The vapidity factor is somewhat decreased at this age, though only somewhat - YMMV.

Of course, if all you seek is a bit of fluff and a little 'slap and tickle', then anything goes.


Anonymous said...

The Viking mindset and system of morality is all that is left for the few remaining men.

Most women are just plunder. The few, fit, decent ones should be in a Spartan breeding system for the future of our people.

Don't worry about the feminized Christians...they have only the one God; we have many.

Anonymous said...

Oh there are some rotten apples commenting here, how on earth did you all become so jaded?

David said...

You could write fiction for a living, LBF. In fact, you just did, didn't you?

Anonymous said...

They're still looking for Mr. Goodbar.

Anonymous said...


Would you recommend any contemporary books which might show the contemporary love/romance situation in a more favorable light?

Anonymous said...

what a lovely post. I can relate to a lot of what is written here. As someone who has similarly been with lots of women, let me share some thoughts with you.

Yes, women, I believe, have an innate desire to submit and to serve. But this dominion over woman must first be won before it can be exercised. I have pursued and chased thousands of women. Not all of them have been conquests. I have failed in several attempts. A woman will not submit to you until you bring her to bed. If you make some mistake before having sex with her, then she will be lost -- forever. But once you get here into bed, then the roles completely change. You are the one now in charge. She will cry and plead with you over the most trivial thing, while if the same thing had happened before you had sex with her, then she would simply leave you and not think twice about it.

I think women consider the sexual act as a surrendering to the man. After I have sex with a woman, I feel like I am always in complete control of them. But this feeling is just not there before the sex act. (I haven't "won" her yet.)

I am sure you can relate to this, Sir Admiral Cod.

Another thing that jumped out at me in reading your posts -- viz., the use of condoms. I must admit that I don't use condoms with girls I know fairly well. Maybe if I have just met a girl and take her home the same night I will consider using a condom. But under no circumstance will I continue to use a condom once I have had sex with the girl on a regular basis. Nobody uses condoms with their girlfriends -- or do they? I remember my best friend disclosed to me once that he uses condoms when he has sex with his wife. I thought this was the most absurd thing I ever heard -- although I didn't tell him that.

Sex is exciting. Don't dull the experience with the use of a condom.

It sure would be nice to know you on a personal level, Sir Admiral Cod. Please keep the posts coming.

w. adam mandelbaum esq. said...

As Oscar Wilde said "Sphinxes without secrets."

Anonymous said...

a woman who combined beauty, intelligence, and culture. In his words, “They who believe that a woman is incapable of making a man equally happy all the twenty-four hours of the day have never known an Henriette. The joy which flooded my soul was far greater when I conversed with her during the day than when I held her in my arms at night. ---who said this? Casanova himself! As for the men on this post, games, games, and more games. Know yourself and you will find your Henriette.

Anonymous said...

o.k. I read all three "Grey" books and I didn't like book 1. I kept telling Ana to run but she just wouldn't listen. By book 3, Christian Grey had morphed into a happy, hopelessly in love, married man with children. Still the sexpert, I might add, but in love for life with one very lucky woman. Now, that is what every woman reallys wants. In truth, I think that's what every man wants--to find the one where everything comes together-sex, passion, desire, love, grace, intelligence, wit, and beauty.

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog consistently for a while. I'm not sure on the years, I lose track of time. Trust me, it's a compliment. I usually abandon most due to boredom. Right now, I'm passing a little time reading some older posts.
"Fifty Shades of Grey" the movie is coming out 2-14-15. I plan to purchase my tickets next week. I told my love that he was off the hook for Valentine's night this coming Feb. It's going to be girls' night out!! BTW, Shades is a love story, but one would have to read the entire trilogy to figure that out.