25 September 2008

On Sideburns

Never trust a man with sideburns. It is a motto by which I have lived my life, and I think you should too. I think sideburns are repulsive and unsightly. They should be moderately short, as in the diagram (at left). Moderation is the key. Neither freakishly short, nor offensively long. Sideburns should not be allowed or encouraged to creep past the tragus, and they should be kept trimmed at all times. If you possess a set of sideburns, would you be so kind as to remove them immediately? I don't know about you, but there is something about sideburns on a chap that makes me instinctively reach for a disposable razor.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

How right you are, unless one intentionally wants to look like a cardsharp, mafioso, or gigolo.

Anonymous female said...

Couldn't agree more,
Admiral,...shudder...I've always considered exaggerated sideburns a grandiloquent device by the bearer to detract from deficiencies in other areas.

Turling said...

Agreed.

initials CG said...

"Shoot them... Shoot them all!" - the gestapo in Raiders of the lost ark

Seriously, some side is necessary for some faces. It just completes the face, or elongates a chubby one. But for chrissake s, if it frizzes out like some nineteenth century poet or accountant, trim it short. No one should 'notice' you have side burns.

Benedict said...

Disposable razor? Dear chap, i would have thought you a straight-razor man. Or perhaps such gentlemanly accoutrements are not to be wasted on the sideburned few...

Laguna Beach Trad said...

I wouldn't dare foul my straight-edge razor on the face of a bewhiskered lout.

Anonymous said...

Surely there is an "Elvis" exception to this rule one would hope.

When wearing a sequined jumpsuit, sideburns are to be encouraged.

Anonymous said...

I'd say anything past mid-ear (anatomically, the tragus) is overly long. The complete lack of sideburns is as bizarre-looking as a pair of muttonchops.

Anonymous said...

sideburns are cool, fail.

William said...

The problem with sideburns -- and most facial hair -- is that they are so considered. These people have actually though about the size, the shape and proportion and have presented for the world to see, a set of priorities as ill- judged as it is ill-advised.
Go read a book.

Kalle said...

After learning about Georg Carl von Döbeln, the legendary Swedish 19th century general (http://www.multi.fi/~goranfri/biodobeln.html) you might reconsider your opinion. A great blogg by the way and greeting from the far north, in this case Finland!