25 July 2012

Old School Banking

As you may have heard, I've just been recruited for a key investment role by another firm.

My new home is a small New York City-based trust company founded by hard-drinking WASP financiers, whose corporate culture, I can now report, has been happily transported to West Coast offices. Longwing brogues are de rigueur. Facial hair is verboten. Gents' jackets are to remain on at all times. And don't forget cocktails at half six. This sort of thing.

You don't need me to list for you the perks of a new job offer. I can disclose, however, that they do include lavish lunches and dinners with eager headhunters, who, in my experience, seem to vary widely between dull betas and cute and willing blonde fillies, the latter providing an opportunity to charm my way into both bank and panties.

Chaps of my background, experience, and impeccable profile are in stiff demand at the moment. The recruitment process is a bit like courting a new girl. The bank for its part sets out to determine with unblinking eye whether the applicant can provide the necessary assets, networks, and expertise to increase revenue. The aspiring banker, for his part, decides if said bank will put out and provide a home in which he can thrive.

When it comes to marriage, as you know, I'm a bit of a traditionalist. So parlous is the idea of marrying a modern girl, however, that one is tempted to demand a dowry. It's the same in banking, where it appears in the form of a hefty signing bonus. Or, as it is sometimes called in the industry (for reasons that elude me), the money shot.

Forgive me if I appear to honour the occasion in excessive, yet private, style.

23 comments:

Richard said...

Congrats old chap! I know you will do well in all capacities.

Richard said...

Congrats old chap! I know you will do well in all capacities.

Ryu said...

Congratulations! I'm happy for you.

Tabitha said...

Ah dowrys, some rogues run straight off with them as you well know. Congratulations my golden on

La Sombra Sofisticada said...

Congrats LBF! So the viking beard had to go then?

Tabitha said...

Ack, golden one - please correct any i phone typos.

Mike said...

No beard? Arrgh!

What about sideburns?

On the other hand: So what?!

Get down on it!

Herr Gehlen said...

Congrats LBF! And good luck on new conquests....and the banking! :)

Clyde said...

Do you have to deal with a lot of Juden Mr. Fogey? If so what are they like?

King Lear said...

Conratulations sir.

White Horse said...

I'll raise a toast in your honor LBF.

Cyprian Korzeniowski said...

Congrats, LBF!

v. Braun. said...

At what amount of money would you believe yourself to be able to stop to work?

? said...

v. Braun -

A person with the ambition to reach "a number" does not have a number. He wants more.

danielj said...

I'm sure you bagged quite a bit more than me but I got 35k for the latest commitment. Pretty good for a high school dropout and felon!

Congrats!

Lul de Faltenin said...

No, I must admit I hadn't heard, but congratulations anyway, Daniel. Nice to see you've made something of yourself since the debacle at school..

el viajero impresionista said...

New Job, new life, why not?

Congratulations, señor.

Grausig Grantiger Gemahl said...

Oh wow, congrats mon admiral!
Sounds as much as the job I am aspiring to be in in the next 12 months.
And von Braun: Im sure he has a number, but the answer you got was just too wallstreet II, so that its hard for me to believe it.
mine is (money owned by me only) at about 25m. yours?
ps: that means I'll have to work until I die;-)

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Thank you.

v. Braun. said...

GGG: I have never worked so I don't know. Maybe 2 mio I guess?

Anonymous said...

There are penny stock firms operating on both coasts? Who knew?

Trojan Class of '76 said...

Clyde perhaps he will run into some Goldmans, Sachs, Lehmans, Kuhns, Loebs, Rothschilds, Seligmans, Oppenheims, Baruchs, Belmonts, Salomons and Lazards, among others...None of whom I would assume would reach the lofty societal heights you have no doubt achieved...you wouldn't be Clyde Kadiddlehopper by chance, "old boy"?

Anonymous said...

More like the Madoffs