14 October 2013

Ride the Cycle

The ladies can be so amusing.

If you run a group of women--as I do--you'll notice certain patterns in their interactions with you. For instance, around the same time every month I receive a flurry of texts from my casual girlfriends suggesting we get together. Some of the messages are pretty innocuous--"care to meet for a drink?", "I'm going to be in your area tonight", "what are you doing after work?", etc.--but others are much more explicit. You'd have to see it to believe it.

Being the generous, agreeable chap that I am, I typically agree to meet these ladies--and then spend the next few days banging the shit out of them. It took me a while to figure out what was going on, until I did some online research and realised their seemingly random texts to me at roughly the same time every month are probably a function of where they are in their cycle. In other words, when they are ovulating they have a greater interest in sex. Which is where I come in.

Not that I'm complaining. Although it can be exhausting work, I welcome the female company and the opportunity for a good cardio workout. Recently I've taken to planning our dates during lunch time or in the afternoon at the weekend. I like to keep my evenings free for other things, such as reading, lifting, getting drunk, and other important activities. A man should set his priorities and plan accordingly.

At my age I should be settled with wife and children like most of my friends, but I'm increasingly glad I'm not. This is too much fun.


GSL said...

I think the clinical term for that behavior is "sport-fucking".

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

GSL ~ Guilty as charged.

Anonymous said...

You're like a Hollywood-character. Barney Stinson, Charlie Harper, Hank Moody und so weiter.

Many men act like these characters. There's a lot of fucking going on, but no babies being made.

w. adam mandelbaum esq. said...

a man should not have a wife and kids at any age. they are depreciating assets--and come to think of it non-appreciating assets, as they appreciate nothing that is done for them. as an old bachelor, and an experienced divorce attorney in new york, I daily rejoice that I didn't fall into that crap trap of "kinder und frau"

von Eulenburg said...

I much disagree, Mr. Mandelbaum. A man can either bitch about society or breed. I do my share of divorce work as well, and there's a reason I married foreign. Then again, if I was trapped in New York, I might better be able to see your point.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a mutually agreeable "use".
As the female half of your equation "nooners" are perfect for my schedule!
Lots of evening and weekend time to ski, read and travel.
Great to be on the same page!

Anonymous said...

Women's need for sex during ovulation is a primal need and procreating can result.
However, I am also reminded of a quote by the great womanizer Casanova. . . "They who believe that a woman is incapable of making a man equally happy all the twenty-four hours of the day have never known an Henriette. The joy which flooded my soul was far greater when I conversed with her during the day than when I held her in my arms at night."
It's unfortunate that you have never met your "Henriette." Perhaps you will meet her one day.