21 October 2014

Retrospectively

Today in many ways I'm the kind of man I never really thought I'd become. Physically, personally, mentally, professionally. It's quite remarkable to me bearing in mind the upbringing and life experiences I've described in this column over the last several years.

You know to what I'm referring.  The clues were always there: the failed relationships, defiance, restlessness, fighting, sex, drinking, dissidence, jail, etc. All dressed up, of course, in the uniform of the circles in which I was raised. That's me. I own all of it.

These thoughts were elicited by the recent discovery--entirely random, on an unrelated website--of a photograph of me with my late father in New York City in the early 1980s, both of us standing in jackets of Tweed with our backs to the camera.

How things have changed since then! I can say with some satisfaction that I'm not the sort of man I envisioned myself becoming, nor is this the life I sought. But here I am, and there it is.

7 comments:

Cameron said...

You're a good bloke LBF.

Robert said...

I second what Cameron says.
Life is a battle and you rarely can plan it out.
As Von Moltke said
Even the best battle plan survives only the first five minutes of contact. After that the side that exhibits the greatest flexibility wins.
For all your expressed "faults" and "regrets" take it from an old soldier...you are winning your battle. Judging from your entries in this column your resilance and flexibility will always see you through to the results and satisfaction you desire

Anonymous said...

Ha!

Pic or it never happened.

Anonymous said...

I am curious what is the kind of man you envisioned? life is not what you planned but more of the winding divergent path, and it is what gives life color, character, and realism. being brutally honest with oneself is difficult but the first steps to freedom...the whole resurrecting the past with your father can be not for the faint of heart....he tried to give you the emotional support he needed but may not have succeeded based on his traditional English upbringing, the taciturn personality of his, maybe sheer ignorance. It is hard to speculate why he could be so (fill in blank) but I think you should learn to forgive him for his sins, because he could not do better since he did not know better...

Ordnungssinn said...

...bravely follow the path to the destined end.

- Our old pal Spengler

Jacobite said...

Don't lose heart. Surf more, bitch less.

All you need are a pair of these:

http://www.specialforces.com/voit-udt-duck-feet-fins

Go down the hill and hit those rock reefs at the end of Thalia, Anita, Oak, and Brooks street. Paradise awaits:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51tsD75otnL.jpg

Anonymous said...

Oh my, I was afraid you were about to quote Robert Frost--the two roads poet. Talk about a funk---what mix of sex and alcohol has you reminisicing this much?! Did you just have another birthday?! No matter how you turned out, the gazillion dollar question is --are you happy, content,all of the rosey stuff? If so, then so be it. Personally, my life is not how I predicted it. I'm suppose to control all of corporate America by now. I know I'm smart enough--haha. Wait, I'm breathing so there must still be time . . . but nah. My priorities changed over time. I'm happy and content being a wife and mother for now with emphasis on the "for now."