Last week I met an old chum after work for cocktails at a hotel bar in Laguna Beach. After ordering drinks and food, we chatted about the state of his recent marriage, which, from the sound of it, was progressing just as I thought it would, which is to say, already fraught with drama. I was wearing my new Ferragamo loafers with the silver bit and chisel-toe silhouette. Over a glass of wine I scanned our surroundings. I was the object, I noticed, of discreet attention from the ladies in the vicinity. I saw a young blonde walk in and sit at the bar. She ordered a drink and checked her iPhone. Looking around the bar, she spotted my friend and walked over to say hi to him. They were old colleagues at an investment firm. After some small talk she returned to the bar, where she was soon met by a cute brunette in a black dress.
My friend and I returned to our conversation. I found his tales of freshly-married life most entertaining. After another hour or so, we decided to leave. I popped into the gents and when I returned to the table, my chum was grinning and giggling like a little kid with a delicious secret.
"What's up with you?" I asked.
"While you were gone, _____ came over and said her friend wants to meet you", he replied.
"Stats?"
"Twenty-seven. Single".
On the way out we stopped by the bar. My friend introduced me--a lost art, I must say. I chatted with my young admirer as I rested my arm on the back of her chair. She indeed was quite cute, probably a 7.75 or 8, vaguely Eastern European-looking, with a hot body in a slutty black dress. She laughed at my comments. I noticed her checking out my Rolex, shoes, and Tiffany cufflinks. After a few minutes I was bored. We said our goodbyes and left.
Outside, as we waited for our motor cars, my friend was agitated. "Why didn't you get her number?", he asked me repeatedly. "What were you thinking?"
I thought about it for a moment. "I wasn't into her. The fact she revealed her interest in me was a distinct turn-off. For a man, there is no value in being chased. He must be the hunter." Or something like that.
That was true enough. But another reason, I fear, is that I'm becoming indifferent. Indifferent not only to pretty girls, but also to life itself. All of this could end at any moment, I keep reminding myself. Is this the state of (inner) freedom I've worked so hard to achieve, or merely the symptoms of an icy heart?
Perhaps I'm only over-thinking it and need another drink.
20 comments:
That gold digger needed to be used and abused.
I've never been quite sure what the intended moral was in that last scene in "Carnal Knowledge."
But it's probably something like, There are worse things than indifference.
Congratulate yourself for being wise beyond your years. The realization that romance,life, and any other delusions we perceive are meaningless is liberating, not depressing. This way the game can be played free from worry or imputing importance to what basically is a bad cosmic joke.
A very thoughtful post, LBF. I would very much enjoy reading more posts just like these. You seem like an extremely tasteful gentleman (although I personally deplore cufflinks), and so it is no surprise that ladies like the one you describe should express an interest in you. The same is true in my own case. I find that when I walk about in public, people stare and revel at me. I am unlike most people. I dress well and I am extremely fit. This is owing, of course, to the fact that I jog about 3-4 hours per day. Thus, my legs are extremely muscular and my abs are very well toned -- not to mention the fact that I have a very solid tan. In fact, just the other day, while waiting in line at the grocery store, a (married) woman with her little rascal kids let me cut in front of her. Why?, you might ask? Because she admired me. It was so obvious. I also notice that people get nervous when they talk to me, which is something I have always found charming.
I have told most of my friends this, and I will repeat it here: A little refinement can take you very far in life. Here in the states most people (especially men) carry themselves about like slobs. They spend $100 a month on their phone and yet they dress like complete slobs. I just can't understand it. Perfect your speech, refine your manners, mind your deportment, and develop your style, and you too will notice how people treat you differently than most.
I suspect you are experiencing simple boredom. Life becomes tedious once you master it.
Repetition creates ruts, and people plod along them. Even fantastic hobbies and a gold-plated life can turn into ruts.
Find love in wine and codeine and forget the rest, I suppose.
Kierkegaard described three sort of lives: the aesthetic, the ethical and the religious. Each has its deficiency. Your story illustrates the deficiency of the aesthetic: boredom. There are only so many cars you can drive, watches you can own, indeed, women you can screw before becoming jaded.
I say the story tells more about your friend, who seems to think of you as nothing more than a walking penis. Instead, you are starting to see the true potential for satisfaction in nationalism...
Best to beware the old ennui, my dear Admiral.
Remember the words of George Sanders,
"Goodbye. I'm leaving because I'm bored."
Written just before he took his own life in 1972.
Raoul
I'm more than intrigued with the latest trope the Admiral has taken with these last several real-life entries. I've had a picture in my mind of the Admiral in comparison to other men who might fit in the same socio-economic strata. But this recent turn makes me wonder if I was all wrong. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out.
Why do men always go after the woman in a "slutty black dress" and then act surprised when she turns out to be one? I know that sounds harsh, but...
Just curious. What's the difference between a 7.75 and an 8?
@ 17:31
0.25
@19:35
Trust fund, daddy owns a liquor store, undergoing treatment for nymphphomainia, etc.
Of course you were turned off by her. She was checking out your nice accessories and her accessories were distastely on display. There is something to be said for modesty--there's a mystery to it.
I'm indifferent sometimes on small stuff but that's it. For instance, there is a man who works at a store which I frequent. He also notices me--girls know these things. The other day I acknowledged him. He was standing right beside me working and I politely said hello in a sweet Southern Belle voice. I also mentioned that he wasn't working his usual hours. I saw him again in the parking lot while leaving. He didn't see me (or maybe he did), but he was smiling all the way to his vehicle. I think I made his day. Most people are probably indifferent to him throughout the day. He may even think no one notices him but I saw him.
maybe admiral cod is bored of life because perhaps there is more to life than looking sharp in tiffany cuff links and ferragamo shoes... he needs religion or some higher calling or purpose to fill the emptiness that is for sure....
Question; have you ever been in therapy? You have all the makings of a BPD male. The drinking, sometimes talk of drugs to cope with a society that you hate, the way you treat women, and you also seem to have a controlling behavior. You are at the very least a narcissist due to some of the thoughts and behaviors you've displayed here. Food for thought as I'm sure this won't be posted.
Anon @ 19:07 ~ You're just jealous.
Jealous, ok if you say so. I most certainly struck a nerve for you to come back with such a flat comment. Someone of your vocab, I expected better. But no I'm good on my end of things. I may not have your wealth, or as traveled as you are but i have more than I need and don't need those things and a world of people to agree to my dribble to make me feel whole. Cheers old chap.
Anon @ 20:52 ~ It's just amusing. If I sound 'flat' it's because I'm drunk. And yeah, you sound jealous.
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