24 July 2010

Dating an Investment Banker: Where to Find Your Perfect Partner - 12 Top Firms

Down at the investment bank, every day is a stress test. To relieve the pressure we inflict pranks on unsuspecting colleagues intending to embarrass and humiliate. Banter of an explicit racial and sexual nature abounds. We discuss in some detail the sexual merits of female bankers and office staff. Which is amusing I suppose when one learns they return the favour. Here is the City, a popular Wall Street dating website, rated 12 top financial firms in terms of how likely they are to provide single females with their perfect partner. Here is the list:

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Bank of America Merrill Lynch

Keep to the guys who are based in the main financial centers, as the others can be a little rough around the edges. If you are looking for a life-long commitment, then these guys are generally not your best bet. The Merrill set, in particular, have been known to stray. Relationships can be very intense, yet of relatively short duration. These guys often have low boredom thresholds.

Barclays Capital

These guys are pretty smart, and are usually quite happy to splash their cash, bearing in mind uncle Bob Diamond is always happy to dish out big bonuses each year-end. Be a little careful, however, especially with the bankers who came over from Lehman - some of those guys had a lot of their net worth invested in that firm, and aren't now as well off as you might expect.

Citi

Those Citi boys are really quite a decent lot. Your mother would like them. They are generally respectful and are into commitment. You'll know where you stand. The only downside, however, is that they can be boringly conventional.

Commerzbank

If going out with a 'jack-the-lad' type appeals to you, then you should probably go hunting at Commerzbank. These guys might not earn the most money, but generally they have great sense of humours and enjoy a good night out. The downside is that your Commerzbank man might well prefer to be at Upton Park or Stamford Bridge, rather than at home having a romantic evening in with you.

Credit Suisse

Family men. Dull, but worthy. If it's a secure home and quiet family life you want, go fishing in the Credit Suisse pool. But it may be more exciting watching paint dry.

Deutsche Bank

Cool, polished, and debonair. Deutsche Bank man has the look (and feel) of James Bond about him - except the guys from Essex. In fact, you are probably better off searching out an Italian or US soulmate from the German bank (the place is full of them). It might take you a little longer to reel them in, but it will be worth it. And Italian bankers from Deutsche make the best lovers.

Goldman Sachs

What can you say about Gold man ? If you can bag him, you are in a no lose situation, although he is generally cautious, and wary of ladies who might see him as a meal ticket (which he is). And remember, those canny Goldman types always hedge their risks, so they probably have stashes of cash secreted away, and you'll never find out how much they are truly worth (and neither will your lawyer!).

Jefferies & Co

The firm might be a relatively small one, but these guys aren't small in any way. Generally tall and imposing, they are casual yet sophisticated. Many have huge packages (they do well at bonus time too). Intelligent and high-minded, the only downside is that they can be a little intimidating for a girl on the make.

JPMorgan

Imagine a firm full of little Jamie Dimons. Exquisite. OK, so there are a few Tesco Tonys (and Willy Wal-Marts) scattered around the firm, but JPMorgan men are the guys that will generally sweep you off your feet. If you are playing for keeps, look no further than Jamie's finest - each built in his image, and comes with a money-back guarantee!

Morgan Stanley

If you find a Morgan Stanley banker who is rich, free and single, you'll need to snap him up quickly. Girls put their names down early for these White Shoe boys. But be careful - you will have to pass the 'Mummy' test on both counts - you'll need to come from good stock to gain the approval of the family, and be made of stern stuff yourself, as babies are likely to come off the production line in quick succession following marriage.

Societe Generale

A glint in the eye, a warm French smile. Oodles of charm and fantastic sex. But your SocGen dream man will probably turn out to be happily married too.

UBS

Surprisingly adventurous and open-minded, UBS soulmates are generally good fun to be with. You'll need to be selective, however, as they are a mixed bunch. Keep away from the ones who might be into leather and latex though (unless that's really your thing).

2 comments:

Belle de Ville said...

BRILLIANT!!!!

Anonymous said...

I have much to say but my I phone finger lacks dexterity!