07 January 2011

Edward Green: Royal Albert Black Velvet House Shoes

Do you have an evening routine? I do. After a night patrolling the cocktail receptions that I am expected to attend, and where I shower grace and charm on fellow attendees like the U.S. government grants bail-outs to investment banks, I look forward to coming home and settling in with a cup of Earl Grey tea, Tweed jacket, Flashman novel, and Royal Albert house shoes in black velvet from Edward Green. The actual shoes are shown at left; note scarlet lining, chisel toe, and, to commemorate my current abode, a bespoke design on vamp featuring a pair of rampant California cougars engaged in a cat-fight. Rawwrrr! A word of warning: if you decide to wear these, do make sure to trim the nails on your toes lest they puncture the delicate lining from the inside. If you are a gentleman you will have already trimmed them like a good boy. But if you are not a gentleman (like me) you will have been forced to apply the shears only at the angry insistence of your hot Italian girlfriend or mistress whose skin you have badly scratched after a session of aggressive love-making, during which the expensive bedsheets were also probably torn to shreds. So make certain you are well-groomed: not just for the sake of your current love affair, but more importantly for the health and longevity of your Edward Green Royal Albert black velvet house shoes.

5 comments:

Tabitha said...

Thank you for revealing another of your talons.
I do love these AC essays.

Richard said...

Excellent!

I ordered the first novel Flashman from an eBay dealer in Australia. The blasted book has yet to arrive after purchasing it nearly a month ago. I look forward to starting this series, and I already suspect that he is my kind of guy. (Womanizer, etc.)

A.E.F. said...

Admiral, I've just painted my toe-nails scarlet to match the lining of your Royal Albert Black Velvet House Shoes. You could always do likewise.

jeune_premier said...

I'm thinking of buying a pair of velvet slippers as soon as possible!

As for the nail there is so no problem because as you already know i'm a gentleman!

Scale Worm said...

I wait for the bimonthly mani-pedi, as appointed by my secretary. She looks after all of my personal calendered events (this is why I pay her her bloody salary after all).