Clip and Shave: A Short and Tidy Treatise on Grooming

Ted's Grooming Room, London

I can't stress enough the importance of being well-groomed. That means short and tidy hair. Keep facial hair to a minimum. And clip what needs to be clipped on a regular basis. Keep sideburns at a moderate length, unless you want to look like a damned hippy in which case you shouldn't even be here. As you know, I prefer very short hair and get mine cut every 2 to 3 weeks. This is one reason, I think, that I am frequently asked if I am a soldier or Russian gangster. Like a good fuck or work-out, getting a haircut can be an invigorating process. A haircut is a sloughing off of the old. It is a new beginning, a starting-over. It can be a mood-altering event. If you're feeling down, visit the barber. You'll find men who take care of themselves in this manner make better, more attentive lovers. Long hair, of course, leads to impotence and unemployment. Avoid it.